ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Two words: blizzard sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
