totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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