i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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