Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
