threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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