can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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