some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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