dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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