If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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