He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
