so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
