I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
