You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
