I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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