so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
