There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He passed out mid-signature
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
