I bet he comes in French.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
