i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms