I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am mentally ready for anal.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
