What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize