my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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