You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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