i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I want a musical about memes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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