i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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