Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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