wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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