My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
