Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
