____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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