Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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