dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
