Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
