i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
