D3 body, D1 cock
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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