i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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