the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
