so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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