Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
