You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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