i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What a dumb baby whore.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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