I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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