Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
