thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize