hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
