So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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