I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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