White coat. Heels.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
