If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
