How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dick very happy bro
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
