I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
