Cold hands, warm shart.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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