How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
