he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
