i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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