non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
