I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
