I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
