I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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