whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
