You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize