the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
