I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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