Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
