oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The best revenge is premature balding
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
