the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
