Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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