I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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