If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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