I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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