It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
