I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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