I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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