Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
