Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
