i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
