Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
