I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
